My journey
It was my very first time to see my therapist in person. She is tall, taller than anyone I know.
The room was with dim lights. Cactus in one corner and another plant in the other corner. Nice and cozy room with a reclining chair and a couch. A small table and shelf with bunch of blankets.
I lay in a nice couch with blanket on top of me, a heavy blanket.
Doctor was monitoring my blood pressure and waiting it go down a bit more to be safe.
Maybe after 5 min. my blood pressure was good level and he started to prepare the medicine.
The doctor gave me subcutaneous injection of Ketamine. It hurt a second.
My therapist said I’m sorry. Subcutaneous injection is a bit painful.
Doctor told me that you may have a small bruise.
My therapist told me to put the mask on.
The mask is well made and comfortable. I was in the total darkness. No light anymore.
I continued deep breathing.
I had no idea but tears came out.
I didn’t know how long passed. There were no time anymore.
I asked (god or spirit) I want to see universe, I want to see deep space.
I want to see my spirit.
I want to see my spirit.
I didn’t know how long passed.
I was in the vastness. Dark vastness.
I did not have body anymore
ただ ただ 暗い広がりがあるだけ
真っ暗な広がり
Dark Vastness
And all of a sudden I realized I’m the universe I’m the deep space
I cried with joy
I’m the universe, I’m this dark vastness.
There were no stars no galaxies, just dark vastness.
I’m the space, I’m the universe.
I was just repeating these like mantra
Then I realized I’m the universe and I’m the spirit.
There is no death, only vastness and oneness
Oneness
I’m soul.
Soul never dies.
And I realized I’m okay
I’m okay I don’t need to change anything
I’m okay as I am. As I am.
ありのままの自分でいい
私が宇宙であり
精霊であり
魂だから
ありのままの自分でいい
As I am
I’m okay as I am.